User blog:Goldeaglefire1/A Tale of Adventure And Folly

So, I was looking at my old blog posts on the main wiki, then I saw my short story that I submitted for Pink Freddy's contest thingy

And now I'm going to revisit it and try to make it into a full on story

Yay

Chapter 1 - The Quest Begins
Long ago, in a land known as AwesomeMcCoolLand, there lived a totally epic and awesome and perfect hero known as-

Are you using the narration room again?

'AGH, M-mr. Narr-I mean, whaaaaaaaaaaat? Of course not! Totally not using the narration room for my own purposes!'

Really? So, I can just look at the narration history real quick and not find anything?

...Um, okay, so I maaaaaay have been using the narration room for my own purposes...

Of course you were. Now then, move over. I need to narrate.

'Fiiiiiine. ...Jerk.'

Thank you. Mhmmm...terribly sorry about that interruption, folks. Thankfully, I'm now here to narrate an actual story. I am Mr. Narrative, and this is-

'Oh, you may have already heard of me on the internet; I'm pretty popular, y'know? I'm the legendary author XxCrazyDaManxX! Yeah, I can hear the girls swooning now...'

...He's my...student. Anyway, onto the actual story. Give me a moment to get into my dramatic voice...mhmhmmmhm...

Long ago, in a kingdom known as Deyrnas-

AwesomeMcCoolLand is better.

''Don't interrupt me when I'm using my dramatic voice. Takes all the air out of the narration. Anyway, all lived in relative peace and harmony. Around three years ago, several of the kingdom's evils started dying of..."mysterious causes". No one knew who, exactly, was responsible, but needless to say, there were several toasts to their name...shortly followed by several drunken bar fights in their name. But there were still a few evils out there, most notably, the dark lord Tenebris Vir. The vile being had brought about many tragedies among the land, plaguing the crops with locust, turning rain into poison...that sort of thing. But the wizard himself had become inactive around three years ago. No one knew if he was dead, or if he was hiding from the mysterious hero. Some even speculated that he was busy planning something big; something that would doom the entire kingdom...''

''And among them was Leolin, a fine man who lived at a potato farm. And he had noticed that the standards for the royal guard had dropped considerably, especially the standards for the guard of the princess herself, Princess Eirwin - several unfit guards that were no doubt the spawn of dukes and duchesses, brought in with big amounts of money were being put in positions they shouldn't. So, he had joined the guard of the princess in hopes of protecting her when the time came. Which actually came rather quickly...''

Leolin was standing guard outside the Princess' room, the door shut. The annual autumn ball was coming up in a few days, and Princess Eirwin was preparing her dress. Why was she preparing it several days before the actual ball? Because, much to the annoyance of Leolin and many others, Eirwin had adopted the tradition of spending several days searching for clothes before official events around...three years ago...

Leolin stopped his focus on staring straight ahead, standing tall, and doing absolutely nothing to ponder for a moment. What exactly was so special about three years ago? What had caused all these changes? Indeed, Leolin was about to go into deep, philosophical thought, but then his above average ears caught up on something.

"Oh, no, someone help..." followed by a giggle. Both the not-really-an-exclamation and giggle sounded like they came from the princess, and the former didn't sound very serious. Both of these details were irrelevant to Leolin.

'Oh no! The princess must've been drugged and captured by an evildoer!' At this thought, Leolin decided to swiftly and throughly kick the door open.

"Stop right there evil...do...er..." Leolin trailed off as he observed the scene before him. The princess was there, wearing the same dress she was wearing when she went into her room to change, without any make up - not that she needed it, with her stunning face and platinum blonde hair - and she was in the arms of a figure made of shadows in a dark cloak, with piercing red eyes that stared into your soul. Tenebris Vir. Both the Dark Lord and the Princess were staring at Leolin with shock.

"Uh..." Tenebris Vir stared blankly at Leolin. Then, before the guard could react, he let off a blast of magic. "Crystallos Alea!"

Leolin suddenly felt himself freeze, and then everything went to black. Quickly, the Princess lept out of the Dark Lord's arms and closed the door. She sighed in relief, leaning against the solid cube of ice that Leolin was now encased in.

"Good thinking, dear. That was a close one! I swear, I haven't had a competent guard in, what, three years? I'm not sure how this one slipped past my radar. I definitely would've weeded him out if I did find out about him...though, now I need to figure out a way to explain to my father why one of my guards is in an ice cube..." Eirwin muttered. Tenebris Vir nervously laughe-

'WOAH WOAH WOAH! I have several questions!'

Jimmy, what did I say about interrupting me when I'm in my dramatic voice?

It's XxCrazyDaManxX.

...Fine; XsomethingblablaX.

'Why are the villain and the girl a thing? And why does the hero have...flaws?'

''Ugh...alright, here's your answer - this is supposed to be a comedy that serves as a commentary on commonly overused cliches that does something unique with them. As a result, this doesn't exactly follow the pattern of a fairy tale...or worse, one of your...fanfictions...''

'Hey! My fanfiction is great! Those reviewers just can't see it because they're idiots!'

Remind me why you signed up to be my student again...

'I didn't. My parents signed me up for this. They're a bunch of haters too.'

''Right. Got it. Moving on before you sidetrack me further...''

Wait, I still have-

NO. The longer you keep me away from the story, the more likely that it'll go horrifically off track without me narrating it!

Wait, what are you talking abou-

''Moving. ON.''

"Heh heh...about that...the spell I cast didn't kill him. He'll thaw out perfectly fine in a few hours..." the Dark Lord admitted. Almost immediately, the Princess shoved herself off of Leolin's ice cube, and turned to face Tenebris with a disssapointed stare.

"Tenebris, what have I told you about not killing potential heroes immediately?"

"They'll come and ruin our sexy fun time, I know, I know, but I've looked at all the spells that cause instant death in the world, and they all have the same downside! Here, let me just...'Marculustractus!" 'The Dark Lord opened up a hole in space, pulled out a bunch of scrolls, and handed them to the Princess.

"Well, let's see what this downside is...'Viscer Impes...doesn't work on anyone competent', 'Internus Ustura...doesn't work on anyone competent...', 'Captum Ignis...doesn't work on anyone competent', 'Uti Pilosus Figuli Letum Cantio...doesn't work on anyone competent' - how come none of these spells work on everyone?" the Princess asked.

"That's what I said! Apparently it was to 'give themselves a challenge'...which is really annoying, honestly." Terebris grumbled.

The Princess took another glance at the scrolls, then nodded her head in agreement. "Let's just make our leave before blockhead over here thaws out."

"With pleasure." Vir prepared another spell. ''"Indespectus..." ''Both the Dark Lord and the Princess turned invisible. Tenebris held Eirwin in his arms, and they flew out the window.

"Oh, by the way...you know those two dragon guards you have guarding your wallet?" Eirwin whispered.

"Yeah...what about them?"

"Once we get to your place, send them after that guy." Though Tenebris couldn't see the Princess, he could easily imagine the grin on her face.

A light. Leolin blinked a few times. The light was still there. Leolin stopped blinking and waited for the room to come into focus. It didn't, and Leolin's eyes started to hurt from staring into a light for so long.

"OW!" Leolin cried, covering his eyes with one hand. He heard the light being flicked off. His hand was pulled away from his eyes, allowing him to see the culprit - a royal doctor.

"Sorry. Just had to check if your eyes were still working." The doctor explained. He flipped through his papers. "Well, the good news is, you survived being frozen in a giant ice cube."

"...I was frozen in a giant ice cube?" Leolin repeated.

"Yes, yes you were. One of the guards noticed you weren't at your post, decided to look into the Princess' room - you know, security reasons and all - and found you there. Oh! Speaking of which...the Princess has gone missing." The doctor cleared his throat. "Since you were...y'know...frozen in a giant ice cube...I don't suppose you would've happened to see the culprit?"

Leolin paled. His brain started to recall what had happened. The Princess. The Dark Lord. ''Tenebris Vir had returned. ''

"Yes...yes I did...the culprit was the Dark Lord, Tenebris Vir."

A few hours after he had told his story to the guards...and they made sure he wasn't insane...Leolin stood before the King himself, King Aneirin. The King was pacing back and forth, muttering to himself under his breath when Leolin arrived.

"Ah...you're here." The King stopped to address Leolin. "The guards have told your story to me. And, needless to say...it worries me. If the Dark Lord has his hands on my daughter, he's going to try something, that much is clear...but I have no idea what he will do next. Luckily for you, I had already started assembling a team of experts to go searching for my daughter. You've just been added to my list."

"So, who are my comrades in this quest?" Leolin asked.

"Oh, they should be arriving shortly," the King replied. He glanced at his watch. "in fact, there should be one coming in right around..."

A blur suddenly shot through the doors to the throne room. Said blur promptly tripped right next to Leolin, resulting in a loud "oof!" to be heard.

"...I really need to get the hang of that spell at some point..." the former blur muttered, and the figure stood up, revealing herself to be female as she dusted off her blue robes. Leolin took a closer look. The girl had a small pair of glasses that highlighted her bright blue eyes, and she wore a blue hat one would associate with a mage or wizard atop her long, brown hair. Completely ignoring the guard, the girl walked up to the king.

"I heard that you required me for something, your Majesty?" the girl inquired.

"You heard correctly, Beata; I have assigned you, along with a few others, on a quest to rescue my daughter." the King informed.

The girl - Beata, if Leolin had heard correctly - gasped in shock. "Your Majesty...it is a honor to serve you in this quest."

"I'm sure it is. Now then, if you look over to where you were earlier..." the King gestured behind Beata. The mage looked behind her, and finally noticed Leolin.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I must've completely ignored you!" Beata quickly ran towards Leolin. "So, I'm Beata, nice to...uhhhhh..." Beata's face flushed a bright red as she looked up and down Leolin, before forcing herself to hold her hand.

"Nice to meet you!" she grinned nervously. Leolin blinked a few times, confused, and then shook her hand.

"I'm Leolin." he replied.

"Leolin. Right. I'll remember that..." Beata muttered, her eyes seeming to be somewhere else. However, her thoughts quickly snapped back to reality when the doors to the throne room were slammed back open. With a startled "eep!", the mage quickly retreated, trying to hide her face behind her hair.

"Your Majesty! I heard you needed me for something?" the large figure at the door asked with an unnessecarily large amount of volume. Leolin seemed to deflate.

"...Ah...Ivor..." Leolin waved his hand. He already knew Ivor, as the large figure was the enthusiastic, ridiculously loyal captain of the guard. Ivor quickly noticed Leolin - though how he did it with his vision blocked by that massive war helmet, Leolin didn't know - and grinned.

"Ah! Leolin! I was wondering how you were doing when the guards showed me that report. So, you're the one lucky guard who managed to see the Princess' kidnapping? Well, good! You're one of the best guards I've had in years - not counting myself, of course!" Ivor laughed, patting Leolin on the back and nearly causing the guard to fall over. Then Ivor noticed Beata. "And the royal mage is joining us too! Well, the more the merrier!"

"Glad you see it that way, Ivor, we're still waiting for two more." Aneirin informed with a small smile. As if on cue, Leolin quickly noticed the sound of quiet footsteps coming from...the ceiling? The guard looked up, but whoever was responsible had already jumped down, directly in front of the King. The new arrival stood up, revealing her outfit - a black, leather suit with several pockets, each one with the handle of some sort of weapon sticking out. She blew her black hair out of her eyes before walking up to the King.

"King Aneirin - Valentine, at your service." she greeted with a slight accent.

The King raised an eyebrow. "Only giving me your first name, then?"

The girl shrugged. "It's better for you the less you know - well, better for me, because that means I won't have to kill you in your sleep."

Ivor tensed up, and turned towards Valentine. "Was that a threat towards the king, ma'am?" he growled.

Valentine glanced towards Ivor with a look of boredom. "It's a statement of fact. King Aneirin should know the dangers of hiring an assassin, after all - especially one as good as myself. And I assume the golden boy next to you is the leader of this quest?" Valentine walked towards Leolin and held out her hand. "Valentine. And you are?"

"...Leolin." the guard hesitated, and then shook her hand. No one noticed, but for a moment, one of Beata's eyes glowed white and glared daggers at the assassin.

"And now, there is only one left...and here he comes now!" King gestured behind the group. They looked where the King indicated, and saw a tall, lanky man in a riduculous outfit confidently stride up to them.

"Hello there! I'm Awarn! I'm the court jester!" Awarn greeted with a grin. The group was silent, staring at the jester in confusion.

"...Alright, where's the real guy?" Valentine asked.

"This is the 'real guy'." the King replied.

"But...why?" Leolin asked.

"...For team morale?" King Aneirin suggested.

"Morale is not a weapon." Leolin stated.

"Well, fine, but he's still coming with you. Something's just...off with him." the King shuddered. "Now then, now that you're all assembled...you all know why you're here. Now, go...save my daughter!"

Leolin sighed, then gave a tired grin. "We won't let you down, your Majesty. Now, onward!" And with that, their quest began...