The Night-Job Of The Doctor

'A VERY POORLY WRITTEN CROSSOVER FANFICTION WRITTEN BY "THE DOCTOR - TIME LORD VICTORIOUS". DO NOT EDIT UNLESS GIVEN PERMISSION.'

A loud whooshing sound engulfed the night as a blue police telephone box materialized at the back of a certain pizzeria.

The Doctor burst out of the TARDIS, donning a blood red fez, smiling like a madman. He took a few steps towards the back of the Pizzeria, and a realization came upon him.

“Wait just a minute….. This isn’t the inter-galactic Time-market meeting…… Oh well, I can go to that later. I have a good feeling of where I landed……”

The Doctor walked over to the front of the building, and read the title aloud into the night.

“Freddy Fazbear’ Pizza…..”

There were little cars passing the road behind him, making the night all the more quieter. The Doctor then stared at a sign through the window.

‘NIGHTSHIFT. UP FOR HIRE. 12AM – 6AM.’

The Doctor flicked his wrist up to his face to look at his watch. It read 11.47pm.

“I have enough time!”

And with that, the Doctor rushed into the building, his tweed jacket flapping about as he went.

The Doctor walked over to the front desk, as there was a rather plump man standing at the checkout, who seemed completely unaware of the Doctor's presence until he spoke up.

“Hello! I’d like to sign up for the night guard slot!”

“Night guard? You seem enthusiastic.”

The Doctor smiled even more at this remark.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“…… You’re asking for a death wish. Anyways, if you really want to sign up, I’ll need your name and your date of birth.”

“I’m the Doctor!”

“Mhm…. And is that spelled with a K?”

“… I was hoping you’d say ‘Doctor Who?’.”

“Whatever. Date of birth?”

“Uhm….. About 18-25-1666274 of the Third Drividian Segment in Gallifreyan terms. But I was born around the 18thof the 9th, 300 in human time.”

“Uhuh…. Okay, that’s all good. You’re signed up. Take this.”

The man handed the Doctor a tablet and a hat which said ‘Night guard’ on the top.

“Oh, what? I don’t get to wear my fez?”

“Fezzes are ugly anyway…”

“Hey, you take that back. Fezzes are cool!”

The Doctor took the tablet and swiped the hat off the man, took his Fez on reluctantly, replacing it with the night guard cap and walked down the corridor to the office. He took this chance when the man wasn’t looking to switch his hat back to the Fez, chuckling a little bit.

He swung into the swivel chair in the office when he arrived, and twirled around in it for a while, until a little “beep!” echoed around the pizzeria signalling 12am.

“Oooh! Start of my shift!”

A phone rang through the office, and the Doctor swiped to pick it up off the line.

''“Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night.”''

“Oh, that’s very handy for me!”

''“ Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?”''

“Getting through my first week? Why does he make it sound like it’s a dangerous task?”

''“Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced."''

“… Oh.”

“Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad-“

“Bad?! That sounds terrible!! I swear when I find the person responsible for this…. This hellhole, I will personally rant in front of their face while sitting down over a cup of tea and jammy dodgers!”

'' “-I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay.”''

“I believe you don’t know the difference between artificial intelligence and technical glitches.”

''“So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?”''

“That…. Is disgusting. That doesn’t sound like an accident….”

''“Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.”''

“I don’t see any chance of happening. I can regenerate, you know!”

“Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up.”

“I can see why!”

''“But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.”''

The phone line hung up, and the Doctor slowly put the phone down.

“This is going to be a hell of a night….”

3AM. The time was 3AM. Unfortunately, the Doctor was busy playing with his Fez and trying to access the free wifi in the building- until he realized that it was 1993 and wifi hadn’t been invented yet.

“Three AM…. Hmm….”

The Doctor looked across to the right door leading to the hallway, and saw that there was an ever-so-slight shadow looming across the floor outside. He reached out to the lightswitch and pressed it, revealing Bonnie the Bunny in all his demented-bunny glory.

The Doctor jumped back suddenly, a sharp gasp leaving his lips. He realized that he had left the light off, and so he pressed the switch again.

Nothing.

The Doctor was puzzled for a moment, and tried pressing the switch for a second time.

Still nothing.

Suddenly he could hear a wheezing noise, sounding more like a dying chicken…… coming from beneath him….

As soon as the Doctor looked down, Bonnie pounced on the Doctor, pinning him to the ground, screaming. The animatronic bunny lifted it’s arm and was about to ram it into the Doctor’s skull.

“Oh no you don’t!”

The Doctor reached into his Dimensional-locked pockets, brought out his Sonic Screwdriver, and pointed it at the Bunny, the Screwdriver buzzing to life as it destroyed the animatronic’s circuits.

Bonnie (Or what was left of him) dropped on top of the Doctor, lifeless, making the Doctor wheeze from the sheer weight of the robot dropping on him. He pushed the robot off, and kicked it in irritation.

“Stupid robot. You could have crushed my ribs!”

Just as the Doctor was dusting himself off, Chica the Chicked popped her head out of the Left hallway.

“Bonnie, you d-done killing the g-gua-“

She was cut off with the scene before her. The Doctor standing in front of Bonnie, who was now no more than a pile of metal.

“W-what the hell did-d you do to h-him!!??” She screamed in fear, then anger, and lunged at the Doctor.

“Nooooo!”

“I have you now, Night Guard!!”

“Noooooo!!!”

“Yes!”

“No.”

The Doctor whipped out his sonic screwdriver again, buzzing it at Chica, making her fall face-first onto the floor, dismantled just like Bonnie.

“These killer robots seem very persistent.”

The Doctor simply walked out of the office, deciding to wander around a bit to clear his mind about the episode that just unveiled.

As he was walking out of the Right Corridor, he heard a child’s laugh, a girl’s, perhaps, come from behind him.

“YoU DisMaNTleD mY FrIEnDs…..”

The Doctor whipped around to see Freddy Fazbear, his head twitching with pitch black eyes, with white pin-pricks for pupils.

“Another one? Are you kidding me?”

“mY nAmE is FReddY FaZBeAr. I kILl EVERY NigHt GuaRD ThAT StEpS fOot iNTo My PiZzeRiA!”

“Well good luck killing me. I’m the Doctor, a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, constellation Kasterborous. I’m over a thousand years old, and I am the Oncoming Storm, your worst nightmare, and the worst thing you want caught in your little ‘Pizzeria’ of yours. So come on, do your best!”

Freddy teleported behind the Doctor, and swiped at his head. The Doctor wasn’t expecting it, but luckily he had dealt with teleportation before. He ducked, then used his feet to trip Freddy onto his back then Sonic-ed the hell out of him, leaving Freddy a Mangled, sizzling mess.

“That takes care of that!”

The 6AM bell rang, signalling his shift was over. The Doctor casually walked out of the pizzeria, and decided to look around town for a few hours.

A FEW HOURS LATER…

“What?!! They can’t fire me for that! I was only reinciting self defence!”

The Doctor stared, astounded at the Pink Slip in his hands which were delivered from the Manager himself.

“Fired on the first night…. Oh well, I didn’t want the job anyway.”

The Doctor stepped into the TARDIS once again, and it dematerialized, wheezing as loud as before…..